Authority in the Home Part 1

This is part 1 of my final post on Kingdom Principles: Authority. And as they say,

Let the fun begin!

We have seen authority in the life of Jesus, authority in government, the workplace, and the church. I pointed out, “Those in authority are to protect and provide; those under that authority are to submit and obey.” What about the home? Has God established authority in the home? Well, if submit and obey are words and attitudes that reflect authority, then Yes, God has established and ordained authority in the home.

The Bible is a big book, and family is a central theme that runs through it. I can’t hope to look through the whole Bible, so I will confine myself to the three main passages in the New Testament: Ephesians 5:22-6:4, Colossians 3:18-21, and 1 Peter 3:1-7.¹ Let’s go!

Ephesians 5:22-6:4

This is the longest and most detailed passage on the home in the New Testament. The starting point, the foundation for all that Paul will say is 5:18-21

5:18  And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

5:19  Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;

5:20  Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;

5:21  Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Be filled with the Spirit. That’s an imperative, a command. What is so cool about this is Paul gives us both the evidence of being full and the steps to renewing this filling. This is found in the 5 ing words in 19-21: speaking, singing and making melody, giving thanks, submitting. Being full of the Spirit displays itself in us submitting ourselves one to another. Now, Paul tells us what this looks like for wives, husbands, children, and fathers, servants, and masters (for these last two see Authority in the workplace).

5:22  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

5:23  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

5:24  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

To submit means to bring yourself under, to arrange your life under the one in authority over you. The Apostle is very clear: (1) Wives are to submit to their husbands, and (2) the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the Head of the Church. Therefore, as the Church is to submit to Christ, so wives are to submit to be to their own husbands. (This is important, not to any husband, not to all husbands, just their own husband.) I have heard many attempts to explain this away, but if words mean anything, wives are to submit to their husbands.

This is a high calling. One that strikes at the very root of the self-life, “What? Me? Submit to him??” “God did not give this law of wives being submissive to their husbands because he has a grudge against women; on the contrary, he established this for the protection of women and the harmony of the home.”²

Submission is a means of protection and spiritual power. As the head of the wife, the husband is to protect her physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The wife must see Christ in her husband, and in honoring her husband she honors Christ. Let her place her hope in God and know that her husband is placed to be a blessing to her. A wife who puts Jesus first will be a joy to both her husband and her Lord.²

5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

5:26  That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

5:27  That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

How is the husband to submit to his wife? Husbands, love your wives. Wait, the husband is the head of his wife, but there is not the first word about lording it over his wife, or reminding her who’s the boss. “When commands begin in the relation of husband and wife, happiness flies; and the moment a husband is disposed to command his wife, that moment he may bid adieu to domestic peace and joy.”³ Just love your wife. Ah, but here’s the rub: Love your wife as Christ loved the Church – he died for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it; that he might present it to himself a glorious church.

THIS is a high calling! This is rarified air. “There is no danger that a husband will love a wife too much, providing his love be subordinate to the love of God. The command is, to love her as Christ loved the church. What love has ever been like that? How can a husband exceed it? He should remember that she has a special claim on him. For him she has left her father's home, forsaken the friends of her youth, sunk her name in his, confided her honor, her character, and her happiness, to his virtue; and the least that he can do for her is to love her, and strive to make her happy.”³

5:28  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

5:29  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

5:30  For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

5:31  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

5:32  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

He continues his exhortation to the husband (notice he has a lot more to say to the husband than to the wife). Loving your wife as Christ loved the church is literally impossible, so he lowers the bar to doable: Love your wife as your own body. No matter what we think about our body, how we look etc, we love our body: When hungry we eat, when tired we rest, when cold we put on more clothes or turn up the heat, when sick we take steps to feel better. “Every man, by his very nature, loves himself. Therefore, the man who does not love his wife is a monster.”⁴

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This was God’s original intention. They two shall be one flesh, so love your wife as you love your own body. I repeat myself, Those in authority are to protect and provide those under their authority.

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Wait a minute, what he just said is true, wives are to submit, husbands are to love, but he is really speaking about Christ and the church. My marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ and the church. (I may need to spend a lot of time in prayer!!)

5:33  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

This is literally the bottom line, the husband should love his wife as he loves himself; the wife should reverence (respect) her husband.

“The husband is to love his wife, the wife to obey and venerate her husband; love and protection on the one hand, affectionate submission and fidelity on the other.”⁵

“Husbands are required to love their wives, and wives to reverence their husbands, which will lead them to be submissive. Where reverence does not exist, there will be no willing submission.”⁴

“To secure mutual love, therefore, it is necessary that there should be mutual kindness, and mutual loveliness of character. Whatever is seen to be offensive or painful, should be at once abandoned. All the little peculiarities of temper and modes of speech that are observed to give pain, should be forsaken; and, while one party should endeavor to tolerate them, and not to be offended, the other should make it a matter of conscience to remove them.”⁴

NEXT: Authority in the Home Part 2

 

¹ I wrestled with this last post for quite a while before finishing this series. What I’m presenting here is what I am fully persuaded the Bible teaches. Being human, what is in The Book may not be perfectly reflected in my life and home. I may need more grace in my heart and life.

² The Christian Family, Larry Christenson; Chapter 2 God’s Order For Wives

³ Albert Barnes, Notes on the Bible

⁴ John Calvin; Commentary on Ephesians

⁵ Adam Clarke; Commentary on Ephesians