Observations from behind the counter: Marvelous Monday

There are a thousand stories at night. Here are three of them


A man came to the counter and asked, “Do y’all sell single condoms?”
“No, sir.”
“How much is a pack?”
“$4.80”
“Good God!”
Then he turned around and left. My first thought was, “God is good, but what does that have to do with a box of condoms?”
Then I thought, “I bet he’s never seen the doctor bill, the hospital bill, the food bill, the clothes bill, the Christmas bill, the school bill…”
Children do cost a lot, but you know what, they are worth every penny. Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.


Every night I check the car wash for car magnets. Last night, as usual, I checked it and found a license plate! That was a first. I didn’t know what to do with it. So I propped it up outside the car wash and planned to speak to the next police officer I saw.
Around 2 am an officer stopped by for coffee. He comes in often and we talk so we talked for a little and then I announced, “I have a police type question.”
He said, “You’ve got the right guy!”
So I explained about the license plate and asked him what I should do with it.
He asked, “What’s the number?”
I don’t even know my own license plate number so I said, “I don’t know. Let’s go take a look.”
We left the store and headed for the car wash. He said, “The reason I asked about the number is my partner is typing up a stolen tag report right now. Wouldn’t it be funny if this was the tag?”
He took a look, then called his partner and asked for the number of the stolen tag. This was it! We laughed and laughed about this. His partner came over and joined us. He called the lady with the lost tag and said, “We found your tag.”
I laughed and said, “I see you took credit for finding the tag!”


We are (once again) getting hot dogs at my store. Oh joy, more work for me at night. The company has printed up what they call “The Grill Play Book” which tells us how to load and clean this thing. The assistant manager printed out one for each associate and urged us to take it home and read it. I told my manager that if I took it home, it would never make it back up here and I most definitely did not plan to read it on my own time (I can be like that!). And I asked if I could leave it at the store for reference. He seemed fine with that.
A couple of days later the assistant manager told me in no uncertain terms to take it home, she was tired of seeing it up there. After a brief spat, I just put it in my book bag and read through it one night. At work.
This morning she had to call the manager about something and he told her to tell me to "put some hot dogs on the grill." She turned it on and told me to go get some hot dogs. I said, “The book says to let it warm up for 30 minutes before we put hot dogs on it.”
She replied, “Just put them on the back of the grill. It’s already warm and it takes the hot dogs 30 minutes to get ready to eat.”
I said, “uh, the book says to warm the grill first, but you want me to put the hot dogs on now?” I knew she was wrong, but to my credit, I’m gonna do it if she says so.
She retorted, “I’ve never read the book.” This would be the book she demanded every associate take home and read.
Now I’m confused. So I get the book and open it to the second page, which plainly states, “Let the grill warm up for 30 minutes…” Which I read to her.
By this time she has discovered another problem and announces, “Just forget it. No hot dogs today.”
Another reprieve. But I’m pretty sure there will be hot dogs to put on the grill tonight as well as a grill to clean. Thrilled. Just thrilled!

Two, two, two trips in one

I wanted to go on a kayak trip early Saturday morning. Mary had to work both Friday and Saturday and was not able to go with me, so I asked a friend if he wanted to go. He said, “The water is still too cold, I think I’ll wait until it warms up some.” Not really, he had church and family commitments so this would be a solo trip.

Lately, I’ve been wanting to see places I’ve not seen before, so I started thinking about places I had not been. Landsford Canal State Park on the Catawba River. Been to the park, but not kayaking there. “That’s where I’ll go.”

The park doesn’t open until 9 am. It wasn’t as early as I had originally planned, but that was good because it was chilly this morning! I arrived right at 9. First person at the park. While I was unloading my kayak and gear, a couple pulled up and began to unload there kayaks. A crowd!

I put in and immediately nearly tipped over! There was no ramp, just a small and slippery bank and I had made the mistake of getting into my kayak without my paddle. The momentum of dropping into the kayak caused it to begin to drift away from the bank, I leaned over to grab a root and nearly tumbled out. Once I was stable and armed with my paddle, I set off upriver.

Here is a map of the park.

My plan for the day was to kayak around Culp Island. I went upriver past the island, because it didn’t take very long to reach the northern end and I thought the island was not that large. It was absolutely beautiful! You might think that a river is a river is a river. Not so. Different sections of the Catawba look completely different. And this was the most beautiful stretch I have ever seen. Beautiful. Peaceful. Awesome. If I’d had a camera, it couldn’t have captured the beauty. I saw deer coming into the park. Birds were giving a concert. Fish were jumping. Turtles were slipping off rocks. Amazing!

Finally, I turned around and slowly drifted back and headed down the east side of the island. There were some shoals that I safely navigated and I began looking for Waxhaw Creek. As soon as I rounded the corner into the creek the roar of the shoals ceased and all was quiet. I was overwhelmed. It’s not even summer and it’s like this! I found all these yellow flowers floating in the creek and collected a handful.

When I had turned around, I once again saw the couple I mentioned earlier. They had also gone up the creek. I went a ways but, not wanting them to think I was following them, I turned around and headed back toward the southern end of Culp Island.

This is the first trip. Nice. Quiet. Amazing. Relaxing. Enjoyable.

As I was paddling it began to dawn on me that this island was a good bit bigger than I thought, and I’m gonna have a good trip back up river. That’s OK.

Then I heard the roar of shoals ahead. Much louder than the ones I traversed earlier. I have to pass through them and hope they end here. I navigated them just fine. But I was wrong about their extent.

Thus begins the second part of this trip.

I rounded the end of the island and the river is all rocks and rushing water. I don’t think I have ever worked so hard on a kayak or canoe trip in my life! Even paddling up stream against water released by the dam!! I paddled and paddled and paddled. Dodged rocks. Got hung up on invisible rocks. Then it happened. Twice. I reached spots where I literally could not paddle against the current. Nothing is so frustrating to me as having to get out of the kayak and walk over rocks and falls. It shouts DEFEATED in all caps! After the second time, I could see the park, but began to think I wasn’t going to make it. Maybe I should call 911! Haha!

But, I did make it. I was so tired. My shoulders still ache! The first part was truly awesome – I was glorying in God’s creation. The second part was work! and frustration! I am wore slap out. Nevertheless, it was a good trip!

wore slap out Jeff

You can call 911 for that?

Last Saturday, Mary and I went kayaking on the Catawba River. As we pulled into Riverwalk to drop her car off, we saw a firetruck, an ambulance, two York County Rescue vehicles, a Sheriff’s car, and emergency personnel everywhere. The river wasn’t blocked so we proceeded with our plan. It wasn’t until Sunday and Monday nights that I learned what had happened.

There are EMS guys that come in for a break during the night and I asked them about the Saturday “event” . It seems a brother and sister were kayaking down the river and the brother was somehow knocked out of and separated from his kayak. They or someone else called 911.

I was flabbergasted. You can call 911 for that?? He was not hurt. And the funniest thing about it? When the rescue squad put their boat into the water, the motor would not start and they started drifting down river! And while they were being rescued, some other paddlers appeared towing the lost kayak!! Too funny.

As we were talking about this, I confessed to my EMS friends, I would be embarrassed to call 911 because “I fell out of my kayak.” Instead, I would go after it; I would swim to shore and find a way to get back to my car or get my kayak.

We saw a guy on Friday who had gotten separated from his kayak on the trip down the river. He was scratched up a little, but had somehow made it to Riverwalk. He was bemoaning the loss of the kayak. Man, I have paddled up-river to the point he lost his kayak – I would have gone in search of it right then!

Am I just talking through my hat or have been in such a spot? Well, not exactly that position, but pert near.

I have been knocked out my kayak twice.

Once I was by myself and thought I would pull a really neat stunt I had seen in a video. Uh, doesn’t work on a sit-on-top kayak! The current swept my kayak right out from under me. Happily I held on to my paddle (that’s what I was most concerned about losing) and swam over to my kayak. Got back on and tried something else.

Another time, Mary and I were happily paddling back toward the dam. Water was high and the current strong. I had the brilliant idea to swim to some branches for a brief rest. Wrong! We were both knocked out of our boats and separated from both boat and paddle. I wrote about this experience here and here. I collected my kayak and paddle. Then Mary’s. Then went to pick her up.

One time I put in at the dam and planned a short trip around the island. Well, near the far end of the island I heard the siren signaling the imminent release of water. I turned around and began furiously paddling back. Didn’t make it. The water was rising and the current was getting stronger. I realized I was not gonna make it back. I made it to the point of the island and beached to wait. The water kept rising and I had to climb higher  and higher onto the island! I was stuck. So I settled in to wait for the release to stop. It eventually did.

Then there was the time I was out with my son-in-law in a canoe. We had put in at the dam and were going down to River Park. A Nice trip. A good bit into the trip, I got a phone call - a dear brother and friend was dying and I needed to get back. Now! We turned around and headed back up stream. Again, water was being released from the dam. We had to paddle our butts off but we made it. Whew! we were tired.

My favorite story involves a friend and his boat in Pensacola, FL. We had moved to Pensacola to pastor my first church. Shortly after that, a fellow from my Bible College moved back home. He had inherited the family home and a boat. He asked me one Saturday if I wanted to go for an evening cruise in his boat out on Pensacola Bay. Sounded like fun so we set off. We got about halfway to the Gulf when the motor quit. The boat had not been on the water in a while, so we were sort of checking it out. Well, there was a problem! He could not get the motor to start. We were stuck. That’s when he explained a minor detail: “My paperwork on the boat is not quite up to date, so I can’t call anyone for help because the Coast Guard might hear and respond. If they show up, they might ask for my papers…” So there we were, stuck in the middle of Pensacola Bay! He had one emergency paddle so we paddled to shore, then grabbed the tie-down rope and walked the boat back to the boat ramp. Man, we got home late that night!

The only time I have ever been in a spot where we even thought about calling for help was that time in Pensacola. Even then, it would have been other boaters, not the emergency response team. I didn’t even know you could call 911 for that!

Oh, and there was that time I took Anne kayaking on the ocean down at Edisto. Her first trip in her own kayak. I thought we would head out to this neat looking island off the beach. We set off and about halfway there I realized we were not making any progress. “Uh, Anne, maybe we better go back.” We turned around and began paddling back to the beach only to discover we weren’t making any progress that way either. I admit, I was getting concerned on that trip. I decided to try a different approach – head for the spit of land to our left and if we could make that point, we could hopefully cut across the river mouth. It worked and I looked brilliant. Well, as brilliant as one can look after a really dumb start! I actually had my cell phone, but it never occurred to me to call 911 – I didn’t know you could and besides, I was too busy trying to get us back to the beach! You can read about that here.

I realize there are legitimate times when you actually need emergency help, but losing your kayak? No. After all, part of the reason I go kayaking is the challenge – Can I figure out a way to get out of this mess that I just got myself into? So that’s why, if I wasn’t hurt, and pretty bad at that, I would be embarrassed to call 911, “I lost my kayak. Can you come get me?”

The gooder choice

We were both off on Saturday. Late Saturday morning we went for a drive, stopped for lunch, then went back home. Then we started thinking about what we would do next. Mary wanted to prepare the house in order to have someone over after church, but then she decided she needed to take me shopping (it seems I need new and more clothes).

As we got into the car, preparing to leave, we discussed this. What should we do on a beautiful Saturday afternoon? Turns out, she really didn’t want to spend the afternoon in the store either. On our morning road trip we had seen kayakers on the river and that sure looked inviting. Mary said, “I don’t know what to do.”

 I said, “Well, you can clean the house and go shopping in order to have people over tomorrow, which is a good thing or we can go kayaking and spend time together, which is also a good thing.”

She responded, “We’ve already done the “Let’s each do something different” thing”. “Let’s go kayaking.”

And that’s what we did. And then that evening we went out to Texas Road House for supper.

With apologies to whoever we were going to have over after church, I think we made the gooder choice. And not just because kayaking is a lot more enjoyable than cleaning the house. No, we’ve done that ‘Let’s each do our own thing’ thing, and it didn’t turn out so good. Actually, we had two good days off together – went kayaking both days. That’s always good!

You see a little bit of everything, don’t you?

Last night I was outside emptying the trash and the only car on the street pulls into the parking lot. I thought, “Of course” and headed inside. As I passed the car I could hear the couple arguing. I waited inside and nothing happened. I checked the coffee and looked outside, the woman was standing outside the car and her purse was on the ground. He backed the car up and tires squealing left her standing there!

She came inside. I felt bad for her and began to talk to her about where she lived and who she could call for a ride home. She was rather expressionless, but she did say, “I can’t believe he did that.” After a trip to the rest room she used the phone to call someone. She said her parents were coming to get her.

Now I have a conundrum. She has to wait for her ride and I have to go outside to finish emptying the trash. But I can’t because she is inside. I can’t go into the cooler either. After a little while I some other customers come. Including a man who walks up to her and tells her something. Then he is at the register. He asked for some cigarettes and said to me, I’d be careful letting that woman in your store. She’s crazy.”

At first, that caught me off guard. “What??” When he repeated himself I realized he was the guy who left her. There was a problem with his card, he went back to her, nuzzled her neck, sweet-talked her for a moment and went outside. This is getting stranger by the minute.

She went outside to talk to him and another car pulled up. This was her Dad and little sister (?). I thought it was safe to go outside and finish the trash. Her Dad is asking her to get in the car but she is completely ignoring him. “Please get in the car. You called me to come get you. How did you wind up here? Will you get in the car?” All this time she is completely ignoring him. Actually, she is not saying anything, just standing there, looking at the man in the car.

Now I begin to wonder if she is OK and to get concerned about a fight breaking out. “Should I call 911? Father, help this situation.”

The younger sister is looking on, just shaking her head. I realized right then that this was not the first time they had seen this.

Finally, the man in the car backs up and drives away. Then the woman begins to argue with her Dad about buying a lighter. (She had bummed a cigarette from another customer.) He was not inclined to do so and she was yelling about her immediate need for this cigarette. Then they all silently get in the car and drive away.

What struck me was how sad this all was. A few hours later a friend came in and we talked about various things. I told him an abbreviated version of this and he said, “You see a little bit of everything, don’t you.”

Yeah. And sometimes there’s nothing funny about it.

Observations from behind the counter: Patterns and Laws

A few observations about people.

This happens often enough to be a genuine pattern. Not necessarily a law of some sort, but most definitely a pattern:

There will be no one in the store, in the parking lot, on the street. Very quiet. This can be brief or last for 20 or 30 minutes. Then a car appears and pulls into the parking lot. Next thing I know, there are people every where. As if some kind of spell has been broken. Or people are such social creatures that when they see a car pull into the parking lot they almost can’t help but join them. Or energy attracts activity.


Same thing happens when I step away from the counter. There will be no one around for miles. As soon as I step into the cooler or outside – BAM! – a car pulls up. Actually, this has happened so often I almost have to laugh about it: I will be doing things inside, then plan to go outside to empty the trash. As soon as I put the gloves on, Voilà! a car appears.


This is a law – Mopping the floor attracts people. This works almost 100% of the time! And related to this, Mop only a portion of the floor and the people who are drawn by a newly mopped floor absolutely have to walk on that portion!


As I said, just a few observations.

Surprising things I’ve learned from the Fathers

Last year I suggested a friend and I read The Demonstration of the Apostolic Preaching by Irenaeus. It took a little longer than I had planned, but we both read it. When I asked for his impression and thoughts, he said, “Well, it’s good - it’s the gospel.” I was a little disappointed, he didn’t have the same response I had. But, at that time I was unable to express how it had affected me.

Nevertheless, I continued to read the Fathers: Tertullian, Augustine, Athanasius. Slowly, something became clear to me – there is a difference between what the Fathers preached and what is often preached today. And, to tell the truth, there is a difference between what is preached today and what was preached two or three generations ago. The Gospel has been changed.

That is a stupendous statement! To explore this would require a book and I only have a short blog, so obviously I can’t go into great detail. Let me just offer three contrasts.

1) Richer Salvation
In our day, salvation is basically having your sins forgiven and going to heaven when you die (sometimes called ‘having eternal life’). Salvation in the Fathers is much richer. Of course there is forgiveness of sins, but they stress deliverance from death; the life of God in the soul; the knowledge of God; eternal life is unhindered contemplation of God, knowing as you are known; and then there is the resurrection of the body. The resurrection of the body, of the flesh, gets a major emphasis. We believe all this today, we simply don’t spend much time on it.

2) Robust Conversion
In the early church (and even 50 to 100 years ago), conversion was stressed – turning from sin and turning to Christ with all your heart. Today, conversion is hardly mentioned. What is required if you are an unbeliever and wish to become a Christian today? Raise your hand: “With heads bowed and eyes closed, raise your hand if you would like to receive Jesus…I see that hand.” In the early church it was a matter of turning away from the life you were living and turning with all your heart to Jesus, to follow him. And this is really because of the third thing…

3) Different Gospel
As I wrote earlier, the gospel has been changed. As a result, we are hearing a different gospel preached than that which was preached in the days of the Fathers. And this is what I was hoping my friend would see when we read The Demonstration of the Apostolic Preaching. So what is the difference?

The Fathers preached Jesus the Savior
We preach salvation through Jesus

You may ask, What’s the difference? Just this, when you preach Jesus the Savior, your message will be about Him: He is the Christ, he fulfilled the prophecies, he is the Son of God. Turn to him! Believe in him! Follow him! He will forgive you, give you life, raise you from the dead!

When you preach salvation you are preaching a thing to be received: Who needs it? Why do they need it? What has God done so we can have it? How can you receive it? It’s all about me and salvation. “If you want it, raise your hand…I see that hand. You’re in!”


That’s the impact the Father’s are having on me. They teach me. They challenge me. They enlarge me. They enrich my spiritual life.