An Entertaining Thursday Night

A few entertaining encounters from last night that were too many for fb posts. So I offer them here in chronological order.


A man came in and said, “You still here? You been here a long time.”
“Yeah, I’m the guy who won’t go away.”
He said, “You consistently need money like everyone else. Them bills just keep coming.”
Truth.


The first customer in line told me that he got laid off tonight. I asked him where he worked and he said, “NASA. I worked with Captain Kirk exploring the universe.”
I said, "I know that’s not right. Capt. Kirk had a ‘Federation Starship’ not a ‘NASA starship’."
He was caught, so he admitted that much! On his way out I said, “Kangaroocareers.com”!
“Thanks a lot”
“Yeah it kinda adds insult to injury, doesn’t it?”
The man behind him  was the manager of the next door Pizza Hut. I said, “You didn’t tell him how to get on at Pizza Hut.”
He replied, “He can go to ' [expletive]pizzahut.com. ' He can have my job.”
I laughed and asked, With all the money you’re making over there?”
He said, “You need to get you a different job. You a d____ good comedian. D___ good!”


A man and a woman came in and made their purchases separately. After she paid for her beer, he came up with his. In a reply to me he used an expletive and said, “I’m sorry.”
She said, You’ll have to forgive him, he grew up on the Rock Hill High side of town!”


Four young men came in and they all headed for the rest room. And they all went into the rest room! (It’s a one seater.) I kept watching them because I had never seen this before. Three were inside and one was holding the door open. He saw me watching this spectacle and explained, “We’ve been fishing and needed to wash out hands.”
[Oh…….]
One of the young men had on a shirt that said, ‘Athlete of the Week.’
I asked him about it and he explained that he went to Westminster-Catawba and had just been offered and accepted a scholarship to play basketball at Erskine. “I am the first one from my school to ever get a scholarship.”
He didn’t really seem very excited so I made the observation, “You don’t seem to excited.”
He said, “It’s OK. It’s still school.”
[Yeah, it is.]

Seven times in a day

This is an excerpt from my Bible Study this morning on The Kingdom Principle of Faith

Luke 17:5 And the apostles said unto the Lord, Increase our faith.
6 And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.

It seems this was one of the Lord’s favorite figures of speech.

It is followed by the standard “you can do great things”. (I have been stressing trusting the Lord for great things.) But this morning we are not going to talk about miracles (making the lame to walk, the blind to see, or casting out demons) and other great answers to prayer. No, we are going to talk about something far more important than a miracle. And this “something” is so fundamental to being Christian that failure to have it can be deadly.

The disciples make an interesting request, increase our faith. Where did that come from? The context helps!

17:1  Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe [unto him], through whom they come!
2  It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
3  Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
4  And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.

Aha!! THIS is why they made that request. It is as if they said, "Uh Lord, we’re gonna need more faith for this."

Let’s look at this

1  Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe [unto him], through whom they come!
“offences” is the word skandalon - to put a stumbling block or impediment in the way, upon which another may trip and fall; metaphorically: to offend: to entice to sin; to cause a person to begin to distrust and desert one whom he ought to trust and obey; to cause to fall away

These things are going to come, they are all around us, but don’t be the offender
2  It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

17:3  Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
Right here is the beginning of the point. Forgiveness. This is one of the chief virtues of the Christian life.

If thy brother trespass against thee – the word trespass means sin.
If a brother or sister sins against you, hurts you deeply, Jesus gives two instructions:

Rebuke him – tell him in no uncertain terms

If he repent, forgive him – right here is where we have difficulty. We are to forgive him. Forgive him when? When he repents. BUT, we have invested so much emotion into the word repent that we now expect him to cry crocodile tears to prove he is really sorry, write a report on why what he did was sin and the steps he will take to not do that again. The Catholic idea is penance. We practically demand penance only we don’t use that Catholic word.

When Jesus says if he repent all he means is he acknowledges that he sinned against you and asks forgiveness.

I will show you how I know this to be the case

4  And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.
What?!? seven times in a day??!!?? OUR teaching today would be, after the 2nd or 3rd time, "Brother, I don’t believe you have repented at all. You come back to me when you’ve truly repented."

And yet, Jesus says, seven times in a day, all he has to do is turn to you and SAY, I repent and you are to forgive him!

This is revolutionary! The Jews taught you never forgave more than three times. Jesus says seven. In another place, he says 70x7!

“Revenge is natural to man, i.e. man is naturally a vindictive being, and, in consequence, nothing is more difficult to him than forgiveness of injuries.” ~ Adam Clarke

The kingdom is at odds with natural man – "I’ll get you for this" – and religious man – "You gotta prove to me you’ve repented"

One of the characteristics of a Christian is his readiness and willingness to forgive and the ease with which forgiveness is granted

All that we require of the offender is he turn and say, I repent. Or, since repent is not a frequently used word among us, “I was wrong, forgive me.”

And we forgive!

Look what I found!

I was sitting on the lanai, enjoying a Louis L’Amour novel on my Nook and a White Owl when a bird flew in real close. Real close. I think he was a young Mockingbird. He grabbed at something in the yard, but dropped it. Since it kept moving I figured it was a snake. The bird kept dancing around it. Then he was joined by another bird. Then a third. These other two were brown and a little larger, but I don’t know what kind. And then by a bright red Cardinal. Cardinals are real skittish, but he was so interested in this that he stayed close. Up in the tree, then down on the grass. All four of them. Keeping a wary eye on me, on the snake, and on each other. I watched the snake crawl right up to the lanai. Finally, the birds flew away.

When they did that I got up and went searching for the snake. I found him and caught him. After taking these photos I let him go again. I sat back down to read some more and finish the White Owl. A bird flew back and rested on the branch above the grass. I gave him permission to catch the snake, but after a few minutes he flew a little bit away, squawking at me.

Great morning so far!!

I dropped him into the bucket so I could run inside and grab the camera

He must be 6 ft long! Not really. 2 or 3 ft maybe (??)

Observations from behind the counter

This is a post that began on Tuesday night!

Tuesday nights are supposed to be slow. But not tonight.


Pay day used to be Friday. Today people get paid on Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Maybe as late as Thursday. Friday seems to be the day the fewest get paid. Except for me. Most of my co-workers get paid Wednesday night or Thursday morning. I don’t get my money until Friday. How unlike me to belong to a bank that is out of step with the majority!


I really dislike being called “boss” or “boss man.” And I get called that all the time.


There is a common parting expression, “Have a good day.” I like it. But I don’t care for the shortened version, “Have a good one.” And I really don’t like, “Have a goot one.”


I was talking to ‘Lt. Dan’ (I’ve met some important people while working here!) when a man came in and asked me, “Do you have a rest room?”
I answered, “Yes, we do.”
The man looked a little confused and didn’t move. I said, “Oh, you want to know where it is. I thought it was a test. Second door on the left.”
When he headed off to the rest room I said to Daniel, “Sometimes I mess with people.”
He said, “And you enjoy it, too!”
“Yeah, I do.” ☺


A little while later the same man returned. His entrance dragged me from the cooler. When he saw me he asked, “Have you seen a young woman with blond hair and blue eyes wearing a black T-shirt?”
“No.”
He explained, “We took her to the ER because she fell down the stairs and busted her lip – she was drunk. We left and when we went back to the ER they said they had discharged her and that she had gone looking for us. We must’ve spent the last 45 minutes driving around the hospital parking lot looking for her, but can’t find her.”
I’m thinking, “You left her at the ER???” but I said, “If you can’t find her in the parking lot you might want to start driving up and down Ebenezer and Herlong (the streets by the hospital) looking for her.”
“Oh OK. If you see her, tell her that her brother and boy friend are looking for her.”
I’m thinking they were as drunk as she was…


A friend that I met while working here came by tonight. I have not seen or talked to him in a long time. His greeting to me was, “Has the Lord not delivered you from this h___ hole yet?” Greetings to you, too, brother! ☺


Wednesday night was not quite as busy, but not slow. This whole week has been busy. Then came Thursday night.


Thursday night was ridiculously busy. Like a Friday and Saturday night combined. I had to come in early and I was going strong until about 3:30. Then I hit the wall. But, I did have a couple of wonderful encounters.


A young man came in who I hadn’t seen in a long time. “Man, I haven’t seen you in a long time. Where ya been?”
He replied, “You want the truth or do you want me to lie to you?”
“I want the truth.” So he told me a sad tale of drugs and homelessness and rehab.
(A side note. I just talk to folks. When I was pastoring the Lord told me to love the people: ask about them, their lives and cares etc., just love on them. That’s what I do as a clerk. I just love on people by asking them about their lives and cares etc. And a lot of folks respond to that. They tell me stuff about their lives. And they come back like this young man, just to tell me things.)
But then he told me that he had come out of this and that God had done this for him. Amen! We talked a while longer and i tried to encourage him in a variety of ways and as we parted I spoke a blessing over him. And he responded, “May God shower you with the blood of Jesus.” Amen!!


A little while later another young man came in. A few nights ago I asked how he was and he told me a story of a struggle he was having (told you, man, when you love on people, they tell you stuff). Seems he loves two women and was trying to decide on one. We talked about it (imagine that, me a relationship counselor!) and I mentioned pleasing God as a motive. He said, “Yeah, that’s what I want to do! I was saved about four weeks ago…” I counseled him some more and he left. He came by tonight and told me, “I made a decision but you’re not going to believe what I decided.”
“What?”
“I chose God.”
Amen! God is good.



C.T. Studd said, “Some wish to stay within the sound of church or chapel bell. I'd rather run a rescue shop within a yard of hell.” I’m no C.T. Studd and I don’t actually run a rescue shop, but I do try to bring the love and light of Christ to my corner of this “h___ hole”.

Observations from behind the counter: Marvelous Monday

There are a thousand stories at night. Here are three of them


A man came to the counter and asked, “Do y’all sell single condoms?”
“No, sir.”
“How much is a pack?”
“$4.80”
“Good God!”
Then he turned around and left. My first thought was, “God is good, but what does that have to do with a box of condoms?”
Then I thought, “I bet he’s never seen the doctor bill, the hospital bill, the food bill, the clothes bill, the Christmas bill, the school bill…”
Children do cost a lot, but you know what, they are worth every penny. Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.


Every night I check the car wash for car magnets. Last night, as usual, I checked it and found a license plate! That was a first. I didn’t know what to do with it. So I propped it up outside the car wash and planned to speak to the next police officer I saw.
Around 2 am an officer stopped by for coffee. He comes in often and we talk so we talked for a little and then I announced, “I have a police type question.”
He said, “You’ve got the right guy!”
So I explained about the license plate and asked him what I should do with it.
He asked, “What’s the number?”
I don’t even know my own license plate number so I said, “I don’t know. Let’s go take a look.”
We left the store and headed for the car wash. He said, “The reason I asked about the number is my partner is typing up a stolen tag report right now. Wouldn’t it be funny if this was the tag?”
He took a look, then called his partner and asked for the number of the stolen tag. This was it! We laughed and laughed about this. His partner came over and joined us. He called the lady with the lost tag and said, “We found your tag.”
I laughed and said, “I see you took credit for finding the tag!”


We are (once again) getting hot dogs at my store. Oh joy, more work for me at night. The company has printed up what they call “The Grill Play Book” which tells us how to load and clean this thing. The assistant manager printed out one for each associate and urged us to take it home and read it. I told my manager that if I took it home, it would never make it back up here and I most definitely did not plan to read it on my own time (I can be like that!). And I asked if I could leave it at the store for reference. He seemed fine with that.
A couple of days later the assistant manager told me in no uncertain terms to take it home, she was tired of seeing it up there. After a brief spat, I just put it in my book bag and read through it one night. At work.
This morning she had to call the manager about something and he told her to tell me to "put some hot dogs on the grill." She turned it on and told me to go get some hot dogs. I said, “The book says to let it warm up for 30 minutes before we put hot dogs on it.”
She replied, “Just put them on the back of the grill. It’s already warm and it takes the hot dogs 30 minutes to get ready to eat.”
I said, “uh, the book says to warm the grill first, but you want me to put the hot dogs on now?” I knew she was wrong, but to my credit, I’m gonna do it if she says so.
She retorted, “I’ve never read the book.” This would be the book she demanded every associate take home and read.
Now I’m confused. So I get the book and open it to the second page, which plainly states, “Let the grill warm up for 30 minutes…” Which I read to her.
By this time she has discovered another problem and announces, “Just forget it. No hot dogs today.”
Another reprieve. But I’m pretty sure there will be hot dogs to put on the grill tonight as well as a grill to clean. Thrilled. Just thrilled!

Two, two, two trips in one

I wanted to go on a kayak trip early Saturday morning. Mary had to work both Friday and Saturday and was not able to go with me, so I asked a friend if he wanted to go. He said, “The water is still too cold, I think I’ll wait until it warms up some.” Not really, he had church and family commitments so this would be a solo trip.

Lately, I’ve been wanting to see places I’ve not seen before, so I started thinking about places I had not been. Landsford Canal State Park on the Catawba River. Been to the park, but not kayaking there. “That’s where I’ll go.”

The park doesn’t open until 9 am. It wasn’t as early as I had originally planned, but that was good because it was chilly this morning! I arrived right at 9. First person at the park. While I was unloading my kayak and gear, a couple pulled up and began to unload there kayaks. A crowd!

I put in and immediately nearly tipped over! There was no ramp, just a small and slippery bank and I had made the mistake of getting into my kayak without my paddle. The momentum of dropping into the kayak caused it to begin to drift away from the bank, I leaned over to grab a root and nearly tumbled out. Once I was stable and armed with my paddle, I set off upriver.

Here is a map of the park.

My plan for the day was to kayak around Culp Island. I went upriver past the island, because it didn’t take very long to reach the northern end and I thought the island was not that large. It was absolutely beautiful! You might think that a river is a river is a river. Not so. Different sections of the Catawba look completely different. And this was the most beautiful stretch I have ever seen. Beautiful. Peaceful. Awesome. If I’d had a camera, it couldn’t have captured the beauty. I saw deer coming into the park. Birds were giving a concert. Fish were jumping. Turtles were slipping off rocks. Amazing!

Finally, I turned around and slowly drifted back and headed down the east side of the island. There were some shoals that I safely navigated and I began looking for Waxhaw Creek. As soon as I rounded the corner into the creek the roar of the shoals ceased and all was quiet. I was overwhelmed. It’s not even summer and it’s like this! I found all these yellow flowers floating in the creek and collected a handful.

When I had turned around, I once again saw the couple I mentioned earlier. They had also gone up the creek. I went a ways but, not wanting them to think I was following them, I turned around and headed back toward the southern end of Culp Island.

This is the first trip. Nice. Quiet. Amazing. Relaxing. Enjoyable.

As I was paddling it began to dawn on me that this island was a good bit bigger than I thought, and I’m gonna have a good trip back up river. That’s OK.

Then I heard the roar of shoals ahead. Much louder than the ones I traversed earlier. I have to pass through them and hope they end here. I navigated them just fine. But I was wrong about their extent.

Thus begins the second part of this trip.

I rounded the end of the island and the river is all rocks and rushing water. I don’t think I have ever worked so hard on a kayak or canoe trip in my life! Even paddling up stream against water released by the dam!! I paddled and paddled and paddled. Dodged rocks. Got hung up on invisible rocks. Then it happened. Twice. I reached spots where I literally could not paddle against the current. Nothing is so frustrating to me as having to get out of the kayak and walk over rocks and falls. It shouts DEFEATED in all caps! After the second time, I could see the park, but began to think I wasn’t going to make it. Maybe I should call 911! Haha!

But, I did make it. I was so tired. My shoulders still ache! The first part was truly awesome – I was glorying in God’s creation. The second part was work! and frustration! I am wore slap out. Nevertheless, it was a good trip!

wore slap out Jeff

You can call 911 for that?

Last Saturday, Mary and I went kayaking on the Catawba River. As we pulled into Riverwalk to drop her car off, we saw a firetruck, an ambulance, two York County Rescue vehicles, a Sheriff’s car, and emergency personnel everywhere. The river wasn’t blocked so we proceeded with our plan. It wasn’t until Sunday and Monday nights that I learned what had happened.

There are EMS guys that come in for a break during the night and I asked them about the Saturday “event” . It seems a brother and sister were kayaking down the river and the brother was somehow knocked out of and separated from his kayak. They or someone else called 911.

I was flabbergasted. You can call 911 for that?? He was not hurt. And the funniest thing about it? When the rescue squad put their boat into the water, the motor would not start and they started drifting down river! And while they were being rescued, some other paddlers appeared towing the lost kayak!! Too funny.

As we were talking about this, I confessed to my EMS friends, I would be embarrassed to call 911 because “I fell out of my kayak.” Instead, I would go after it; I would swim to shore and find a way to get back to my car or get my kayak.

We saw a guy on Friday who had gotten separated from his kayak on the trip down the river. He was scratched up a little, but had somehow made it to Riverwalk. He was bemoaning the loss of the kayak. Man, I have paddled up-river to the point he lost his kayak – I would have gone in search of it right then!

Am I just talking through my hat or have been in such a spot? Well, not exactly that position, but pert near.

I have been knocked out my kayak twice.

Once I was by myself and thought I would pull a really neat stunt I had seen in a video. Uh, doesn’t work on a sit-on-top kayak! The current swept my kayak right out from under me. Happily I held on to my paddle (that’s what I was most concerned about losing) and swam over to my kayak. Got back on and tried something else.

Another time, Mary and I were happily paddling back toward the dam. Water was high and the current strong. I had the brilliant idea to swim to some branches for a brief rest. Wrong! We were both knocked out of our boats and separated from both boat and paddle. I wrote about this experience here and here. I collected my kayak and paddle. Then Mary’s. Then went to pick her up.

One time I put in at the dam and planned a short trip around the island. Well, near the far end of the island I heard the siren signaling the imminent release of water. I turned around and began furiously paddling back. Didn’t make it. The water was rising and the current was getting stronger. I realized I was not gonna make it back. I made it to the point of the island and beached to wait. The water kept rising and I had to climb higher  and higher onto the island! I was stuck. So I settled in to wait for the release to stop. It eventually did.

Then there was the time I was out with my son-in-law in a canoe. We had put in at the dam and were going down to River Park. A Nice trip. A good bit into the trip, I got a phone call - a dear brother and friend was dying and I needed to get back. Now! We turned around and headed back up stream. Again, water was being released from the dam. We had to paddle our butts off but we made it. Whew! we were tired.

My favorite story involves a friend and his boat in Pensacola, FL. We had moved to Pensacola to pastor my first church. Shortly after that, a fellow from my Bible College moved back home. He had inherited the family home and a boat. He asked me one Saturday if I wanted to go for an evening cruise in his boat out on Pensacola Bay. Sounded like fun so we set off. We got about halfway to the Gulf when the motor quit. The boat had not been on the water in a while, so we were sort of checking it out. Well, there was a problem! He could not get the motor to start. We were stuck. That’s when he explained a minor detail: “My paperwork on the boat is not quite up to date, so I can’t call anyone for help because the Coast Guard might hear and respond. If they show up, they might ask for my papers…” So there we were, stuck in the middle of Pensacola Bay! He had one emergency paddle so we paddled to shore, then grabbed the tie-down rope and walked the boat back to the boat ramp. Man, we got home late that night!

The only time I have ever been in a spot where we even thought about calling for help was that time in Pensacola. Even then, it would have been other boaters, not the emergency response team. I didn’t even know you could call 911 for that!

Oh, and there was that time I took Anne kayaking on the ocean down at Edisto. Her first trip in her own kayak. I thought we would head out to this neat looking island off the beach. We set off and about halfway there I realized we were not making any progress. “Uh, Anne, maybe we better go back.” We turned around and began paddling back to the beach only to discover we weren’t making any progress that way either. I admit, I was getting concerned on that trip. I decided to try a different approach – head for the spit of land to our left and if we could make that point, we could hopefully cut across the river mouth. It worked and I looked brilliant. Well, as brilliant as one can look after a really dumb start! I actually had my cell phone, but it never occurred to me to call 911 – I didn’t know you could and besides, I was too busy trying to get us back to the beach! You can read about that here.

I realize there are legitimate times when you actually need emergency help, but losing your kayak? No. After all, part of the reason I go kayaking is the challenge – Can I figure out a way to get out of this mess that I just got myself into? So that’s why, if I wasn’t hurt, and pretty bad at that, I would be embarrassed to call 911, “I lost my kayak. Can you come get me?”