First, the funeral is for the departed. Clearly, they are no longer with us. They are dead. They have departed. They’ve passed on. They’re gone. Do you notice have many expressions refer to the soul? It’s not simply that life has ceased in that vessel, they are gone. That which made them them has left. But I digress… The funeral is a time to honor and remember this person. They didn’t just live a meaningless, purposeless life. They meant something to somebody. They touched somebody. They impacted someone. They changed someone’s life. The funeral is a time to honor them for their life.
It’s also a time to say “Good-bye.” I believe this is important and healthy. Do I mean literally say good-bye? Yes. “What are you talking about? You’ve already admitted they’re gone. Now you say I should talk to them?” Yes. When you lose a loved one and visit their grave, what do you do? You talk to them. Sometimes you offer family updates. Other times you ask for counsel. They’re not actually there. And they are not going to respond. Yet you talk to them. I believe this is normal. If you don’t understand this, I can’t explain it.
Second, the funeral is for the family. This is a time to gather with them and offer comfort and condolences. This is very helpful and encouraging. Of course, this needs to be followed up with practical demonstrations of love, but the funeral is a time to stand with them in their sorrow. This is important. We are community. There is tendency today to move indoors and isolate ourselves. This is not good. Or healthy.
No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend's
Or of thine own were:
Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.
John Donne
This is why we should bother with a funeral.
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