You should've grown up with me

I occasionally read comments on facebook from people lamenting their childhood, how their parents forced them to go to church, wouldn't let them watch what every one else was watching, homeschooled them, and other mean and terrible things. You should've grown up with me.

My mother was married to my father for maybe nine years. I remember almost nothing from those years of life, clearly not a good time for us. I don't know all the reasons, but it obviously wasn't a happy home and he wasn't a pleasant man. I have one memory of my father from this period - he and I were washing our hands for supper and I said to him, "Pull those shoulders back" (he always told us to stand straight with our shoulders back). He took exception to that and rebuked me severely. That's it. That's what I remember of my father.

After they divorced he never paid child support and I only saw him one time - he came to our house to see us, and while he was in the house talking to my mother, I sat outside. My mother came out and made me go inside to see my father. Can't explain why, but I didn't want to talk to him.

We moved a lot when they were married - several places in North Carolina, Dallas/Fort Worth & El Paso Texas, Boston, Jackson MS, Nashville (this was where my sister was born; the night she was born we stayed up really late to wait for the news, when my father's car pulled into the driveway my grandparents rushed us off to bed because he would've been angry that we were still up), and then Tucson. We moved so often one of our favorite games was playing "moving men", I was Jim and my brother was Joe. I remember deciding to quit trying to make friends when I went to school - we would be moving at the end of the year anyway.

They must've fought a lot. I do have a memory of walking to a friends house one morning so I could ride with him to school . As I was about to knock on the door I heard raised voices inside, I assumed they were fighting, that scared me so I started walking to school.

I always struggled with confidence, especially in attempting something new. One day, out of the blue, my granddad told me that my father constantly put me down, "You're no good", "You can't do anything right." I tell you a light went on that day.

As I said earlier, my parents divorced. I have absolutely no memory of the separation or divorce. But the memories of my childhood do pick up after this. I don't know how old I was when they divorced, nor how long it was before she remarried. I don't remember them dating, in my memory banks he was just suddenly there. I do know that he talked her into selling everything and moving to Hawai'i. Talk about being uprooted! I finished 3rd grade at Queen Liliuokalani Elementary School in Honolulu. We moved to Kahaluu and I attended 4th grade at a different school, only to move to Kaneohe and a new school for 5th grade.

When my mother remarried, there were three of us (me, my brother, my sister). About a year after they married, my mother gave birth to another brother. Her new husband had previously been married and had four children from that marriage. With his help and encouragement, they left their mother and life in Colorado to join us in Hawai'i. I remember the night they arrived, my mom was still in the hospital and we snuck up the backstairs to see her. Now we were 8. We were a real life Brady Bunch. And all 10 of us lived in a 3 bedroom house! After a brief adjustment period, I always considered them as my real brother and sisters. A little while longer and he became Dad to me.

When I was in the 9th grade they separated and four of us moved to Huntsville, AL. This was a bigger culture shock than moving to Hawai'i! We lived with my uncle. While we were here, my dad unsuccessfully attempted suicide. After a brief stay, we returned to Hawai'i and resumed life in paradise. Then my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Surgery was successful but it was really downhill after that. He was serious and successful in his next attempt. I remember that night and the look in his eyes.

We rented our house in Hawai'i and I remember the landlord coming out to the house one day to inform my mother he would be raising the rent. Well, we were on a limited income and could not afford the new rate, so we sold everything and moved to Nashville, TN. Why Nashville? My grandparents lived there. We spent the summer with them. And because their house was too small to accommodate us all, I spent every night in a camper trailer parked in their driveway. That was the summer of my senior year. I tell you, I hated having to move to the mainland, but something good happened to me here, in March of '73 I became a Christian - meeting Jesus is the best thing that ever happened to me!

I graduated in 1973, but it wasn't until January of 1974 that I went off to college - University of Tennessee at Martin. In the Fall of that year, while I was off at school, my mother remarried and moved to California! Which meant I had nowhere to go on school breaks! I was completely on my own, with literally no money. I had to drop out of school and go to work. But, by this time I had met this pretty girl and we were talking about getting married...

I could share many more anecdotes, like how we got all our clothes except underwear at Salvation Army, but I feel foolish giving this much. Why do I feel foolish? So many people had it worse than me. My sister's life was also full of trials and difficulties experienced after I left home. And my dad's children, who joined us in Hawai'i, could tell you stories that would raise the hairs on your neck. I know some of them, but those are their stories and this is mine. My point is, you had a hard childhood because your parents made you go to church, and homeschooled you, and wouldn't let you watch much TV? I didn't even have a TV for a while, and when we got it back we literally had to sign in and out to watch only so many hours per week. You should've grown up with me.