On Parenting

I recently had a brief discussion with someone about an article that we both had read. They suggested that we differed on some parenting principles. That got me thinking about the parenting philosophy and principles that guided us as we raised our children. And we definitely had some! I can’t recall all the influences and helps we had along the way, but one was the book, The Christian Family by Larry Christenson. But what all these folks provided was teaching on the biblical truths concerning the family and practical help on applying them. 

The foundation is this, Children are a Blessing from God:
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.  
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.  
Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

Therefore, we were and are grateful for every one of our girls.

And we believed Malachi 2:15 (And did not he make one? …And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed) to mean that the goal in raising these beautiful children was to raise them to be a godly seed, and that God had given instructions for that.

Such as Deuteronomy 6:6-7:
And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:  
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
I believe this passage tells us three things: 1) the Word is to be in your heart, 2) you are to diligently teach this Word to your children, 3) this is to be done in the most natural ways, applying the Word to everyday life and living (sit, walk etc)

Then Paul admonishes us in Ephesians 6 and Colossians 3
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.  
Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)  
That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.  
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.  
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

I believe it is the job of every parent is to teach their children to obey and honor their parents and thus find the blessing of God. This is a hard job and we often lose sight of the goal and parenting becomes a war between parent and child. That’s why he also has a word for the parents. And notice, he addresses the fathers. We believed the Bible teaches the father is responsible for the teaching and training of the children. And to fathers he gives a two-fold instruction: 1) don’t provoke your children (by being harsh, unfair, unloving and generally overly hard on them), lest they be discouraged; and 2) bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Hear are some great thoughts on nurture
“The whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment). It also includes the training and care of the body, and also cultivates the soul, by correcting mistakes and curbing passions.” Thayer

Then there is Proverbs 22:6,  Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. And this is how we looked at this:
“The Hebrew of this clause is curious: "Initiate the child at the opening (the mouth) of his path." When he comes to the opening of the way of life, being able to walk alone, and to choose; stop at this entrance, and begin a series of instructions, how he is to conduct himself in every step he takes. Show him the duties, the dangers, and the blessings of the path; give him directions how to perform the duties, how to escape the dangers, and how to secure the blessings, which all lie before him. Fix these on his mind by daily inculcation, till their impression is become indelible; then lead him to practice by slow and almost imperceptible degrees, till each indelible impression becomes a strongly radicated habit. Beg incessantly the blessing of God on all this teaching and discipline; and then you have obeyed the injunction of the wisest of men.

The word which we translate train up or initiate, signifies also dedicate…Dedicate, therefore, in the first instance, your child to God; and nurse, teach, and discipline him as God's child, whom he has entrusted to your care."  Adam Clarke

And then there is that matter of discipline. We felt that we were blessed with these children and that God expected us to disciple them to become followers of Jesus. One small part of that is punishment and the Bible speaks to that as well (Proverbs 13:24, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15). We understood there were two truths that guided all this: Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child and a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. Discipline or chastisement is one of the ways of correcting this.

These were some of the principles that guided us as we raised our girls. Now, of course, the question is, How did we do? Have you noticed that I haven’t mentioned any failings on my part? That’s because all you have to do is ask my children and they will gladly tell you - they seem to take special delight in reciting them ☺ Nonetheless, they have all grown up to be productive citizens, and most of them are now parents themselves – of some extraordinarily beautiful children I might add.

As I said at the beginning, our goal was to be obedient to the Lord and apply the principles and truths of His Word. Would I do anything different? Well, I wouldn’t fail as much. And I would pray more. Otherwise, the principles are sound, it is the vessel that was unfit. And in the end we are cast upon the mercy and grace of God.