Do you have your ID?

We sell tobacco and beer. Both are age restricted and therefore we are under obligation to check IDs. The rule of thumb is, “If they don’t look 35, check their ID.” There are people I never ask ID from and there are those who I no longer ID. But if a person comes in and I don’t remember seeing them or they act like they have never been here before, I ask for their ID. I’m constantly surprised at the number of young people, 20-25, who carry no ID with them and are absolutely offended when I ask for it and then turn down the sale because they can’t provide it.

Last night I denied sales to two people in a row. The first guy had no ID so I said, "Sorry." He walked out muttering, “This is ridiculous! I am almost 25 years old!” Of course, I’m thinking to myself, “Then you ought to know better.” The very next customer, when asked for his ID (it was Friday night, I sold a LOT of cigarettes and beer!) produced a strangely mangled ID. I told him, “I’m sorry, I can’t accept this.” Gonna be a great night.

Shortly after this a police officer stops by to visit. I facetiously tell him, “I know you never see anything like this, but I am amazed at the number of people who don’t carry ID and are offended when asked for one.” He laughed and said:

“Tonight I stopped this guy and he wouldn’t tell me who he was. I asked for his ID and he said, 'I’m 41 years old and have never had an ID.’ So I said, ‘You’re 41 years old and have never been issued an ID of any kind?’ He said, ‘Never.’ So I told him, ‘I think you’re lying but since I don’t know who you are, I’m gonna have to arrest you. I’ll take you downtown and we’ll take your fingerprints and put them into the system. They will be picked up by the people who have a warrant out for you and we will transfer you to them.’ He then said, ‘Listen, my name is John Smith.’ So I asked him, ‘Why did you lie to me, man?’ He said, ‘I was afraid there might be a warrant out for me.’ So I told him, ‘Now I gotta arrest you for lying to me.’ ”

After I stopped laughing he told me another story:

“You would be surprised at the number of people, who, when I stop them, have no ID. So I ask them, ‘What’s your name?’ and they say ‘John Smith.’ So I go to the computer and check them out and find out there is a warrant out for John Smith. I go back to the car and say, ‘Please step out of the car, I’m placing you under arrest, because there is a warrant out for you, John Smith.’ And they immediately respond, ‘Hey, that’s not really my name. That’s my buddy’s name.’ And it really is but now I gotta arrest them for lying to me.”

I still laugh out loud just recalling these stories! You just cannot make this kind of stuff up!