To The Praise of a Pastor's Wife

I recently talked with a young man in the ministry. He explained that he was transferring to another church, partly because his fiancé didn't like the town he is now in or the church he is ministering in. I’m sure there are other factors involved in this decision but it reminded me of my years in the ministry.

I was in the ministry for 25 years and pastor of three churches. What I am about to share is not a judgment of this brother or anyone else, just the story of what my wife went through.

I met Mary while attending the University of Tennessee at Martin in 1974. I was majoring in forestry and Mary was in nursing. My first year there I was called into the ministry and we also got engaged. I dropped out to work and we were married in 1975. Mary graduated the following year and we moved to Memphis so she could work and I could go to Mid-South Bible College.

Believe it or not, I graduated! By this time we had two children. We had decided that our priorities were to pursue my calling in the ministry and to have our family life governed by our understanding of the Scriptures – me providing and Mary staying at home to care for the children.

Anyway, the first church I pastored was Brent Alliance Church in Pensacola, FL. It was a very small church (Sunday School classes are larger than this church was!). I still remember when we candidated and they showed us the parsonage - yes, I am from the old days of yesterday when the church only offered a parsonage, not a housing allowance (all three churches I pastored had parsonages). It was a three bedroom, 800 sq ft house. The carpet was indescribably ugly. The only heat was two small, un-vented gas heaters – whenever it was cold I had to turn the gas on and light it with a match! Small church. Small, ugly house. Yet we went back home and prayed over this. The Lord gave me Proverbs 14:4, “Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox.” So we were in agreement and accepted the call.

For the move Mary stayed with her parents in Arkansas (they are NOT from Arkansas, her Dad was just working there at the time; in a town called Arkadelphia). I drove the truck from Memphis to Pensacola. When I got there I discovered that the hot water heater and as well as the washer/dryer hook-ups were located in a shed behind the house. When I asked about this I was told, "You're in the country now, boy." One winter it was so cold that the water froze and we had no hot water for a few days. After a week or so I met her parents in Hattiesburg, MS (the road was US 98, called ‘Bloody 98’ because of all the accidents on it! That was a narrow 2 lane road – the bridges were narrower than the road!!) to pick Mary and the children (Anne and Sarah) up and bring them to our new home. Mary's first morning there she took a shower. I heard a shriek! When I responded I discovered that there was a tree frog in the shower with her! What a trooper!

They called Pensacola ‘the town that invented the phrase laid back.’ The house was a mess. The yard was a mess. The church building was a mess. The upside was the ladies of the church took her under their wing. They loved her. They helped her. They literally taught her how to pray. The monthly WMPF meetings (Women's Missionary Prayer Fellowship, later changed to Alliance Women) lasted from 7 until 10:30 or 11:00 as they spent many an evening in prayer. There were many wonderful saints there and I could tell many stories about them. But one really neat brother, Mr. Richards, gave her an autoharp, called in the mountains “a fool’s piano.” We used this for many years in our family sing-and-pray time and in the worship services to sing Scripture songs.

While we were at Brent we had a visit from a man selling frozen food and refrigerators. He assured us he could save us money by his program. I can still remember sitting at the kitchen table and Mary explaining to him what she spent for groceries. He said, “There is no way I can beat that.” He packed up his paperwork and went home! And just so you will appreciate this, we were a family of four, one car, making $155 a week, and no public assistance.

After two years there we moved to Macon, GA so I could assume the pastorate of First Alliance Church. This was a church with a history and a difficult time for us. Did I say difficult? It should be DIFFICULT. We were there three years. Mary K was born in Macon. I began to read about early Alliance pastors and how they were living on ‘faith offerings.’ That means, they were not guaranteed a salary, they lived on what people freely gave during the week. I was impressed and began to pray earnestly about whether we should do that. God was obviously preparing me for what was to come because our last several months there we lived on a faith offering. God was so good, we had more coming in than when we were on salary!

Then we moved to York, SC to pastor Bible Covenant Community Church. I was pastor there for 20 years. I still remember the weekend we went to candidate. That Saturday night we agreed, I will preach and talk to them but there is no way we are moving here. We went back to Macon and lo and behold, they issued a call! We discussed it and had several matters that we laid before the Lord (including the homeschool issue since we were committed to this) and prayed earnestly for a week. Every objection we had, the Lord removed. As slow as I am, even I got it – we accepted the call and moved to York in 1987!

When we first came to York we thought we would be here a couple of years while we prepared ourselves to go overseas with WEC International. But the Lord evidently had other plans because as I said we were there fro twenty years! Erica Jane was born our first year here. In 1989 I grew my beard and Mary was diagnosed with cancer. The Lord was gracious to her and she recovered. I still have my beard. She homeschooled our four girls. She worked with the Quiz Team and drove them all over the zone for quizzes. She taught the Wednesday night children’s ministry, Jesus Club. She was on the Praise Team. She went through our neighborhood (and others as well) picking up children for Jesus Club. She established an Alliance Women’s ministry. She was a deaconess (for all you Baptists who confuse deacons and elders, a deaconess is not a female elder, it is a female deacon, as “Phebe our sister, which is a deaconess of the church which is at Cenchrea”). And much more. Our first parsonage was a nice house but really too small for a family of six. Mary was praying about it and one day announced, “I believe the Lord has told me it is OK for me to ask for a larger parsonage.” So she did and shortly after that one of the deacons got a burden to see that we got a larger parsonage! And we did. This reminds me of all the wonderful saints there!

The point to all this is: Mary is an intelligent woman and a trained nurse. She could have made a lot of money in nursing. But together we committed to pursuing the Lord’s call to ministry as our top priority and raising our family in what we understood to be the biblical way.  We prayed together and sought the Lord for his leading concerning ministry opportunities. And where ever He led we went and together threw ourselves into the work. God promised me an help meet and gave me one in Mary. I would ever have lasted in the ministry without her help.

Thank you “for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now”