Thinking about my father-in-law at supper last night

Last night at supper Mary and I were talking about different parents we knew who are financially helping their grown children. As we discussed this, we sometimes shook our heads, but concluded, “The coolest thing about this is, this is their life and we don’t have to worry ourselves about it.”

Then I mentioned Mary’s dad. He’s been gone now for 20 years, but we still miss him and talk about him. I remember when I asked him if Mary and I could get married. Yes, I asked his permission. I believed I needed to do this, but I was a little intimidated by him. You see, he had a gruff exterior, plus I was afraid he would say no! I recall talking with a friend of mine about this: “What if we says No?” Hal said, “You just have to trust God.” (That friend is now the Executive Pastor at some mega-church in Florida; I think I asked the right brother for advice!)

Anyway, one day when we were in the car driving back to the house I asked him. I think he was as shocked as I was nervous! He batted his eyes (only family will appreciate this), and after stammering a bit, he said, “I don’t know what you want from me, but if you want my blessing, you have it.” Whew, I survived and I’m gonna get married!

Now, back to what we were reminiscing about at supper. Before we got married he told us, probably more than once, “Once you get married y’all are on your own. I ain’t helping y’all out.” Truth is, they did help us out from time to time, but it was unsolicited - it sprang from his love for Mary and his pity on me! We laughed about the time he offered to help us buy a car: “You just sit here, I’ll go talk to the salesman and get you a good deal.” When he came back to us it was clear that the salesman was a better negotiator that Mary’s dad!

His “When you’re married I ain’t helping y’all out” sounds harsh, but it was a good word. I was marrying his daughter and he was telling me he expected me to take care of her, that this responsibility was shifting from him to me. That was good. I needed to know this, think about this, be aware of this. We did not start our life together depending on her dad to get us through or bail us out. So, when he did step in and offer help it was purely a loving and kind move. And, I might add, a welcome one!

Oh, there are so many stories! We were both struck with sadness that he is no longer around for our daughters and that our grandchildren do not have the joy of knowing the real granddaddy.