What was the difference?

I just finished reading the gospel according to Matthew. Jesus is clearly the theme of the gospel and I was most taken with him. But as I was reading the arrest and trial of Jesus, I was really struck by a verse about Judas:

he . . . went and hanged himself

Why did he do this? You know the story: he had betrayed Jesus for money, realized his mistake and tried to undo it, but was rebuffed. He responded by hanging himself.

How sad.

He wasn’t the only disciple to fail Jesus at this point. All the disciples forsook him; Peter denied him; and Thomas did not believe his resurrection.

Yet, all of them were restored to Christ and then greatly used by the Lord. Peter the denier became the prince of the apostles. Thomas the doubter became the apostle to India. All of them restored except for Judas. He went and hanged himself.

What was the difference? As I see it, there are three possibilities:

Something in God – He was against Judas, never did like him, and had predestined him to hang himself.

Something in Jesus – He was so ticked off at being betrayed that he turned a deaf ear to his cries, refusing to hear him or acknowledge him.

Something in Judas – his response to failure was different than the others.

Option #1 is absolutely horrible to contemplate and is in no way a reflection of the God of the Bible.

Option #2 is equally abhorrent! Behold all the sinners, great and small, forgiven by Jesus! This would make this sin the unpardonable sin, whereas Jesus said, all manner of sin can be forgiven, except for blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.

This leaves us with Option #3 – there is something in the way Judas responded that was different than the others. The other disciples stayed together until they met Jesus and meeting with Jesus resulted in restoration and reconciliation. But Judas,

when he saw that he [Jesus] was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And they said, What is that to us? see thou to that. And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself.

He forsook the fellowship and didn’t wait for Jesus. All he saw was his sin, his terrible sin. He didn’t see Jesus, didn’t wait for Him. Peter denied the Lord and I’m sure he felt terrible about it. But he saw Jesus. Thomas didn’t believe that Jesus had risen, he refused to accept the testimony of the others. Then he saw Jesus, My Lord and my God. All Judas saw was himself. He did not see Jesus. And he . . . went and hanged himself.

Jesus makes all the difference. If you fail, if you fall, wait for Jesus. Stay with the brethren and wait for Jesus. When you see Him you will be restored and reconciled.

Peter was restored. Thomas was restored. All the rest of them were restored. Was it really possible that Judas could have been restored as well? I don’t know. This is just what I thought about when I read those very sad words, he . . . went and hanged himself.

If thou, LORD, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?

But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.